I’m tired. I went to bed last night determined to turn over a new leaf today. I was going to get up and get ready and do laundry and a Fly Lady mission before “school,” but everyone slept in until 8, I had to call Susan and talk to her before she left for a meeting at 9:30, I watched Katie so that Tara could go to said meeting with Susan, and my visiting teachers kept the 10:00 appointment they had made with me and I forgot to write down. So, at 1:00 this afternoon I finally got a chance to start my day–new leaf shrivelled up and crumbled. I had to start getting stuff together for Enrichment, which was this evening. Luckily it went beautifully.

I got the Core Phase and Love of Learning seminar on cd from George Wythe College and it has made me think a lot. I am doing phonics with Brenna for the wrong reasons. I didn’t realize it until we really started school, but I really like to tell people how smart she is. I like to tell people, “Hey, Brenna’s four and she can read! (Aren’t I such a good mom?!)” It is totally my pride that is fueling my need for her to be smart. And she is smart. And she’ll still be smart in a few months or a year or two years or whenever she is really ready to read on her own. My pushing and requiring her to do phonics everyday is going to quell whatever excitement about reading on her own that she has. I’m not teaching her to read–I’m teaching her that reading is hard, boring, and she doesn’t want to do it. I need to rethink school altogether and whether I need to be structuring it at all…

I’m tired and my head is full of more things to write and try to work out, but I’m tired and my head is full…

I must sleep…