I’m tired. I went to bed last night determined to turn over a new leaf today. I was going to get up and get ready and do laundry and a Fly Lady mission before “school,” but everyone slept in until 8, I had to call Susan and talk to her before she left for a meeting at 9:30, I watched Katie so that Tara could go to said meeting with Susan, and my visiting teachers kept the 10:00 appointment they had made with me and I forgot to write down. So, at 1:00 this afternoon I finally got a chance to start my day–new leaf shrivelled up and crumbled. I had to start getting stuff together for Enrichment, which was this evening. Luckily it went beautifully.

I got the Core Phase and Love of Learning seminar on cd from George Wythe College and it has made me think a lot. I am doing phonics with Brenna for the wrong reasons. I didn’t realize it until we really started school, but I really like to tell people how smart she is. I like to tell people, “Hey, Brenna’s four and she can read! (Aren’t I such a good mom?!)” It is totally my pride that is fueling my need for her to be smart. And she is smart. And she’ll still be smart in a few months or a year or two years or whenever she is really ready to read on her own. My pushing and requiring her to do phonics everyday is going to quell whatever excitement about reading on her own that she has. I’m not teaching her to read–I’m teaching her that reading is hard, boring, and she doesn’t want to do it. I need to rethink school altogether and whether I need to be structuring it at all…

I’m tired and my head is full of more things to write and try to work out, but I’m tired and my head is full…

I must sleep…

I went to the art museum today with Susan and Felicia. We went to the Rau exhibit. Dr. Rau was a neat rich guy who inherited a booming family business, bought lots of art, then in his forties decided he needed to make a contribution to the world. He went to medical school to become a pediatrician and spent the rest of his life treating children in the poorest parts of Africa. When he died he said his art collection needed to be shown throughout the world for 25 years, then sold at auction–gifting all of the millions of dollars it will bring in to UNICEF. I wore Logan in the sling, and though he got fussy and hungry–echoing through the gallery, and then had poop running down his leg, which I had to clean up on a fold out changing table at the level of my neck (yes, it was at least 4 feet above the ground if not more), it was a wonderful time. I savoured every second Logan was asleep, snuggled against me in blue Maya Wrap snuggleness, and looking at timeless masterpieces of time gone by. It was breathtaking to think that Cezanne’s hand holding Cezanne’s paintbrush made THAT painting that I was standing in front of. There were Early Renaissance works by Fra Angelico that were so lyrical and intricate… Oh, I wish I could have stayed longer. My favorite painting was by Mary Cassat, Louise Feeding Her Child. The immediacy of her drawing, the color, the look in the baby’s eyes, the crook of the mother’s neck–it just made me think of all the times I have been nursing a baby, looking down at a perfect little face, and wanting to capture that second forever. Oh I love being a mama of little nursing babies. So much so I can hardly stand it.

Which brings me to my diaper troubles. What is my problem? Why do I insist on making everything myself? Why do I do this to myself? In my head it all turns out perfect–and though my diaper covers bound in fold over elastic look very nice and professional, they leak all over the place because fold over elastic is absorbant!!! So, I bought some diaper covers. They will be here in 10-14 days. In the meantime I will suffer through too tight waists and to big leg holes and learn my lesson to just buy things in the first place.

Right now I should be working on a talk for church on Sunday. I’m going to speak about the first commandment–loving the Lord with all of my heart, might, mind, and soul. What would that feel like? How would I feel at the end of the day if I really loved God with all of my strength? How would I use my time? Who would I serve? Yeah, that’s what I need to talk about.

School today was good–Barry did it. They made a Rue Goleburg (sp?) invention. They cut a string and a basket dropped onto a ruler, which knocked down a series of blocks like dominoes, which pushed Percy the train, who pushed a ball, whcih tipped over a lego thing with another ball, which sent Murdock the train down another track, which hit another block, tipping the carton of milk and pouring it into a bowl of cereal. Brenna tells me that a lot more milk got on the counter than in the bowl, but they had fun. They did take video, but our video camera won’t play anything back. Bummer. REALLY need to get that fixed. Along with the cracked windshield of our van…

When I was planning my school routine, I vowed I would blog everyday. I’m am renewing that commitment. I will blog everyday, or so.

The first day of school was the worst. We actually had a really good time the rest of the week. We painted and made a book (Brenna’s own version of Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus called Don’t Let the Bat Drive the Airplane) and made colorwheels and finished reading Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and did 10 minutes of Hooked on Phonics everyday at the BEGINNING of the day. Otherwise Brenna melts into babbling fake tiredness. She will endure 10 minutes first thing, so that’s what we do. She is actually getting better already. We read a chapter of Frog and Toad tonight. She read most of it and I chimed in on the hard words, or when her attention was clearly somewhere else and she was starting to melt into fake babbling “tiredness.” I was really impressed. She figured out words like “tomorrow” and “always” all by herself. So am I such a good mother, or is she such a smart girl?

On another note, I finished my first knitting project with my first yarn spun on a spinning wheel. It is a wool “soaker” for Logan. I don’t know why it’s called a soaker. It’s a diaper cover–’cause wool does wonderful things like fight microbes, resist water, and absorb twice its weight in water before feeling wet. He’s sleeping, so I can’t try it on him. I want to wake him up, but I’ll wait awhile.

He slept 8 and 1/2 hours last night!!!! The kid isn’t even 2 months old!!!! I can’t sleep that long in one stretch because I have two painful rock hard mounds on my chest, but if I stuff a diaper in my top for fountain of milk absorbtion, I can kind of doze and wonder when he’ll wake up. I have come to the conclusion that it’s because he’s a tummy sleeper. I know “they” tell you not to put babies on their tummies to sleep. “They” make you feel guilty, like your baby is most definitely going to suffocate and die and it will be all your fault–you horrible parent of three children under 4 who wants to sleep at night!! I’ve decided “they” don’t know what they’re talking about. My friend whose baby was born in 1999 was told to always put her baby on her tummy–Brenna was born in 2000 and wasn’t allowed to sleep on her tummy. Well, Logan sleeps on his tummy. He actually sleeps. Good.

I am tire now. So I’ll go to sleep looking forward to the morning. I have to go to a meeting so Barry gets to do school.

We tried to do school today for the first time. It was pretty anticlimatic. I mean, we read and color and cut and paste every day. With a four year old, what more is there to do? Brenna has been saying that she wants to do school, and to be honest, I want to do school. Ever since I’ve decided that I am going to homeschool my kids I’ve just wanted to get going with things. Which is ironic after my last post. I’m longing for my little baby to stay little while I’m trying to make my four year old grow up faster. The amount of “school” Brenna is ready for has already been incorporated into our lives since she was born. We read novels and magazines and picture books and reference books. We look up every bug and bird we see. We sing songs. We cook together, fold laundry and make beds… As a real believer in A Thomas Jefferson Education, this is all I need to do in “Core Phase.” My little kids just need to be learning right and wrong, good and bad, their relationship with God and their place in our family through work, play and family routines. So, why am I trying to impose this structure? Brenna says she wants to learn to read. She can read simple three letter words, but she gets “too tired” when we sit down with the Hooked on Phonics. I guess I thought if I formalized it some magic would happen and her attention span would automatically increase. Not today. She did learn to play Uno, though. We call it learning Math.