Eight years ago today Barry took me up Logan Canyon to go cross country skiing. It was going to be an epic trip, from one canyon to another, through the pure white snow and blanketed forest, the two of us doing something we loved to do– together. It was REALLY snowing, my skis weren’t waxed quite right for the conditions, I was sliding backwards down small hills, I was tired, I was cold, I wanted to go home, we turned back… I foiled his plan, but he asked me to marry him anyway. I knew I loved him then. In fact, I knew I loved him the moment we met. We were soul mates before the world was.
But, I am so thankful love grows with time. We have three children. We’ve lived in three different states. A lot of the time we’ve only had each other. And we like it that way. He is a part of me. I’m a part of him.
This week will be a milestone in my life. As I sat and read and meditated while everyone else was at church on Sunday I realized that I have given birth– I had to endure the physical pain, I had to will myself to relax through contractions, I had to cry and bleed and suffer and endure. I went through the whole process, and though I did not come out of it with a baby, I did give birth to something.
I gave birth to a new beginning, a chance to start over…
I gave birth to a realization that God loves me with no strings attached–
and that a relationship with Him does not mean I will just have more things to do.
I think too much.
I need to let myself feel;
to feel my body, to feel my emotions, to delve into my heart and really experience what is there,
without the noise and crowding of quilt plans or book plans or blog entry plans or Relief Society lesson plans or conversation plans (I design, cut, sew, bind, view, display, discuss the same project from start to finish over and over in my mind. So much so, that most of them never get made, and I miss what is happening in the moment.).
But I think more than anything I gave birth to a realization of my absolute dependence on Barry– to a deeper love. I feel swallowed by it. We are so inseparably connected. I wish I could explain it or have the right words to say to him, but I just can’t.
Barry, I love you. I need you. I thank you.
Love, jess
awww:) I wish so sencerly the best for you both! You are a woderful couple, and of course. you married my brother! what else is there to expect???
and you are yourself! I enjoy having you as a sister in-law.. God Bless you both and you adorable little family!
I am sorry to comment here becuase it doesn’t apply to your valentines day entry. My wife showed me your site yesterday and we both think it is fabulous! Thanks for showing some of your work. I am currently trying to improve my handwriting and really like the style of your title and headers. I couldn’t figure out what font it was, but I would like to imitate it to some extent. Can you comment or email me the font type you used? Thank you very much.
I love you so much,
both of you actually!!
I love the artist in you, the writer, the wife, the mother, the daughter of God.
Mine forever, I love that the most.
I love that you both love each other so much, your blessing fulfilled… a mother’s dream come true.
Love, MOM
How beautifuly written girl! and I DO understand what you mean and feel, I feel just like that about my fiancé.