Don’t you like those days where you are just ready to crash when bed time rolls around? Sometimes I think I just get bored tired or time to go to bed tired, but hard work tired is a different kind. It’s not just the clock or droopy eyes saying, “Go to bed,” it’s every limb.

Barry has been out of town, so I’ve been doing 3 kids by myself. Believe me, three hours of church on Sunday is hard work! Day of rest? Pshaw! Then yesterday we ran a lot of errands. Jonah melted down in Target because I thought it would be fun to buy them little sets of Crayola water colors so that we could all paint together when we got home, but he doesn’t like that kind of paint because it melts your paper. “I’M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH, YOU DON’T KNOW!!!” Yeah, it’s frusterating and a little unnerving once, but for fifteen minutes (which seemed like an hour at least). *sigh* But, I had to perservere because there was not going to be another time I could go without kids, and I was there, so I plugged on down my list. Fortunately I negotiated a reboot at the next store and he was really good. We went to the library where I payed my $16.00 fine (overdue videos cost a dollar a day). I was tired after the bedtime ritual last night. We had our Enrichment meeting tonight (which, for the majority of you who aren’t Mormon, is the meeting we have every once in a while to bond as women and do something good) which I had a lot of preparation to do for. Our theme was service, so we deep cleaned the church building. And, being in charge, I had to stay late and clean up (yeah, from our cleaning activity), so bed time wars did not begin until 9:30. That means it was dark and we could see fireflies out of our windows. I reminded myself to chill out, so we had fun and kids got in bed at 10:18.

So, the whole point was to say, I’m tired, but it’s a real tired and that’s good. It was a day well spent.

Now, about my last post. What is it with women? Why can’t we just be and enjoy? What’s up with the innate drive to compete? My main problem with this whole blog thing is self discipline to just keep the computer off and not look at what everyone else is doing 3 or 4 or 5 times a day. (Okay, or more.) That is entirely my problem. And I shouldn’t whine. And I am definitely not one to have a chip on my shoulder. Because THIS IS NOT THE REAL WORLD! And I feel so much better when I spend time immersed in my real world. When I’m serving and mothering and thinking about those things. But, I also really need this blog as a creative outlet. I need an art community. As a stay at home mom this is the perfect forum. I just need to be as thoughtful and expressive here as I am in my real life. So I’m working on a paradigm shift here. And I think it’s just the motivation behind what I’m doing and being aware of it that is the key…

Yikes–Remember how I said I was tired?
Good night.

I’ve been thinking a lot this week about why I blog. I mean, I haven’t been able to post more than once a week lately because it’s become such a huge production. First there’s the crafting, which I would do regardless of whether or not I had a website. But then, there’s the photo shoot, which must be at the right time of day in the right light from every angle to ensure I get a really good shot. With three little kids, photo shoots can be a challenge. No, let me rephrase that. With a 2 year old, actually accomplishing anything without his help is near impossible. I do read choo-choo books over and over again, tickle and giggle and wipe noses and stuff like that. I’ve got no complaints there for the most part. (As long as you don’t count the stubborn 4 year old who refuses to go potty if you actually ask him to, even though he’s been holding himself, crossing his legs and squatting and wiggling for the past five minutes– so you tell him he doesn’t get a bedtime story until he goes potty, which sends him into torrential screaming and fits with lying in the hall and kicking the door and screaming while you put the little one to bed which takes about 15 minutes, which is a lot of really loud screaming and kicking. So yeah, really no complaints unless you count that.)

And then there is the “high-school-ness” I feel about the craft blog world. I mean, I want to be popular. I want the cool girls to visit my site and maybe even COMMENT *gasp*. And, unless I really watch it, I fall into the self comparison trap. Because, you know, she takes beautiful photos, she’s just nonstop crafting crazy, and she’s just really cool.

So, I’ve contemplated shutting the blog down altogether. Don’t feel good about that. Taking the summer off? No. I just need to chill out. No more perfectionistic paralyses. I started this blog to be a journal my mom could read. A place to write stuff, to record this time of being a young mom and wanting to be more– to be a complete person who dreams and works and lives those dreams. But, it’s been more show and tell. Trying to show off? Could that be a way to state it? I guess blogging in any form is a little self absorbed… But that’s okay. I think everyone is worth showing off. So, show off crafty bloggers. I will too…

But, I just can’t be all about the photos. If I’m going to keep doing this, I’ve got to be me, because sometimes I just have something to say.

I’ve been there and back. We had a blast! I lucked out and free Tuesday (the first Tuesday of the month) was my day to go to museums. I got to see the SFMOMA and the Museum of Craft and Folk Art. I missed the Arts and Crafts Movement: William Morris to Frank Lloyd Wright exhibit at the DeYoung, but you can only do so much in a day.

(Here’s one of my favorite paintings from SFMOMA. Ellsworth Kelly LaCombe III)

We also rented a tandem bike and rode a little ways out on the Golden Gate Bridge, then back up to Baker Beach. I filled my pockets (and Barry’s) with sticks and stones as we tried to avert our eyes from all the naked sunbathers. Their part of the beach had the best rocks. And, why do they have to all be old men?! YIKES!

So, I wish I could post pictures, but we came home to a dying computer. Our monitor is almost totally grey, so there is no way I could tell which picture was good and worthy of posting, even if I tried. I’ll figure out Barry’s iBook one of these days, then there will be pictures galore!:)