Barry is being promoted to Captain today. It’s a beautiful day outside and I have this overflowing feeling of joy and graditude and, well, I can’t put my finger on it…

Yesterday something got me thinking about my mission in life, what I want, what Barry wants, what I’m made for. Clearly I’m made to be a mom, my service is needed in God’s church… but what about this unquenchable drive I have to make things? I remember as a little girl I would scheme and dream about the tree house I would someday live in, the art I would make, the lessons I would teach, and how I would somehow be a big influence for good. When I was in high school I was convinced that this urgency to be known by a large audience and have some positive, creative, good influence must mean I needed to be famous. I would tell my mom maybe I’d be in musicals. Maybe I’d draw for Disney movies. I’m still going through the maybes. But this nagging feeling of urgency to BE, to create, to DO the things I idle away daydreaming about ebbs and flows throughout my life, and it never goes away. It seems to be high tide today.

This may seem completely unrelated, but yesterday I started looking into Signing Time. It’s a video program to teach toddlers and preschoolers sign language. It’s beautifully put together. We checked out some of the videos from the library yesterday. The music is great. Logan is already making the sign for milk when he wants to nurse. But, the thing that is most striking to me is that it is put together by Mormon moms who found their purpose, took some risks, used their God-given talents and circumstances to create something useful and influential in the world.

All day I’ve been listening to Peter Breinholt. His music has sentimental value because Barry and I fell in love at one of his concerts. But, his music just feels good. And he is good. If you have time, read this. Another Mormon who found a place with his uniqueness, and is a humble influence for good.

I need to be a DO-er. I’m built to day-dream. I read this quote from President Monson the other day: “The work of reactivation is no task for the idler or daydreamer. Children grow, parents age, and time waits for no man. Do not postpone a prompting; rather, act on it, and the Lord will open the way.” It peirced straight to my heart. And not at all within the context of serving in the church and working to reactivate people who have fallen away. It talked of daydreamers– and time doesn’t wait for them. Well, if anyone is a daydreamer, I am. And so, I need to make my dreams; I need to do them and not simply dream them. Time will run out.

So, I need to put a lot of inhibitions aside. I don’t have to make money. I don’t have to be completely practical. I don’t need to worry about what people will say about the things I make (particularly our parents). I don’t have to paint pictures of the Saviour to make art with a spiritual impact (an “aha” from Peter Breinholt). I think this list is much longer…

I think a lot. I combine things and find connections. I visualize and go through elaborate constructions–but I do it all in my head. So, what good is that? It all disappears.

I think I do have a mission and a purpose that Heavenly Father wants me to fill. That’s why I feel this urgency. I’m still searching through the maybes…

but time waits for no man.