I didn’t get a post of Eva made on her 5 months birthday like I have every other month.  Now that she’s nearly 6 months I better get with it!

The truth is, Eva’s 5 month birthday was a really emotional day.  A good friend of mine had a baby the weekend before who died just 2 hours after he was born.  They knew it would be that way.  He was diagnosed with trisomy 13 when she was about 20 weeks pregnant, but still it was so sad and so hard.

Eva’s babyhood has been so emotional for me.  I am so keenly aware of how miraculous her little life is, how lucky I am to have her safe, whole, so perfect.  I know so many people who struggle to get pregnant, who desperately want children but just can’t seem to make it happen.  The week after Eva was born my sister in-law nearly died of preeclampsia, her baby was delivered at 32 weeks, and that tiny baby’s little lung collapsed on her second day of life.  There I was with a perfect baby, memories of a peaceful home birth, and tears running down my face constantly thinking of my sweet sister in-law who could barely even touch her fragile little one.  (My  niece is fine now, growing and perfect, but she had a scary start.)

Here I am with 6 perfect children, 6 easy pregnancies, 6 uncomplicated births.  I am so blessed.  I have had 2 miscarriages that were intensely sad, but a year to the day after each I was nursing a sweet little boy and as I look back I realize those trials were so small in comparison to what so many go through.

I hope I can live up to this miraculous privilege that is mine.

I have 6 perfect babies.

A few weeks ago I picked up a copy of Better Homes and Gardens May issue.  On page 78 there was a photo of a child’s playroom with a crazy beautiful tree toy on a shelf.  It looked like a tree that needed to be in our family room, but I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what it was.  So, I took a photo of the magazine page, posted it to flickr, and asked the internet to help me.

It worked!  It’s called a Totem Tree by Kids On Roof.  I decided to treat myself to one for my birthday and it came today, a day late, but that’s fun because it stretched the celebrating out a bit.

The boys and I put it together tonight while Barry took pictures of us with the new lens he got me for my camera.

Now, doesn’t it look like it should have been there all along?

On Wednesday I turned 31.  That sounds so grown up.  I am now in my 30s.  Geesh.  When I was younger I had this idea that I would accomplish amazing things by the time I was 30.  You know, like have art hung in galleries throughout the world, a book or two published, things like that.  I guess what I have done– being married for nearly 11 years, given birth to 5 kids, lived all over the country– are pretty good things, especially that being married part and having all those little humans.  Those books and art gallery exhibitions will just have to wait their turn.

To celebrate my birthday I got to do my favorite thing–  walk around outside in an amazingly beautiful place with my very favorite person in the whole universe.

Barry spent part of the week being a judge at the International Science and Engineering Fair in Reno, Nevada.  We found a babysitter for the four biggest kids so that Hunter and I could tag along.  I had my first casino experience (our hotel was a casino, so we got to walk through it over and over) –not too impressive, just really disorienting and stinky.  Other than that, the trip was so relaxing.  I got to do things like nap and shop for jeans that actually fit, and best of all drive up the mountain to see Lake Tahoe, the lake of amazing turquoise water.

I didn’t think to bring Hunter a hat.  He did have a burp rag on his head most of the time, just not for pictures.  You know, having just one baby is a piece of cake.  He was so good.

I have a friend who grew up here by Lake Tahoe.  Her dad just decided that he needed to raise his family in a cool place, so he packed up his wife and 8 kids, moved to a little town by the lake, and started a business doing accounting.  They had a tiny house for such a large family, but there were those mountains and that water– way better than a big house. While we were driving around we tried to figure out how we could get that plan to work out for us.  When we got home Barry checked zillow.com.  Um, well, I think $3 million- $16 million is a little out of our price range.  A girl can dream though, right?

 Happy birthday to me!

(All of these photos were shot by Barry, the non-babywearer on this trip.)

This little place I live is so amazing. Trees and light and birds. I will really miss it when we move this summer. Still don’t know where we’re moving to, so don’t ask. I’m super impatient about this whole thing and have absolutely no control. I could start deep cleaning my house or something productive in preparation. I will one of these days. Probably on a Saturday when there is a grown-up here to keep me on task.

Anyway, I got tagged for a “write 7 random things about you” meme, so here goes:

1. I’m messy and generally disorganized. I try to be on top of things and do fairly well in spurts. It is a very good thing I married the man I did because I have gotten pretty good at maintaining some routines when it comes to the structure of our mornings and evenings, but as for maintaining self discipline with things that I don’t like to do (read dusting, cleaning finger prints off walls, dog snot off of windows, or even sometimes pee off of the bathroom floor) I’m not so good. This has been a problem as long as I can remember. Ask my mom.

2. I worked in a wood shop in college. We took trees that would be taken to the dump and turned them into lumber, then into jewelry boxes. I got to use lots of power tools and learned to identify all sorts of woods. It was an awesome job– much better than the two weeks of phone calls I made for AT&T. I couldn’t handle that for long.

3. Um, I have to sleep hugging something soft, but inanimate. I slept with a big white stuffed reindeer until I had two kids, then decided that I should try to be a grown-up, so I gave up the reindeer. I absolutely must have my hugging pillow,though, or my back is all tweeked in the morning.

4 . I’m irrationally afraid of making phone calls. To anyone. If someone can explain this to me please do.

5. I really, really want a tree house some day.

6. Hmm… my favorite color is green. Brown and blue are right up there. Well, it has to be the right blue– a light turquoisish bluish grayish. The color of the walls in my kitchen, dining, family room area– that blue.

7. I watched American Idol tonight. People seem to be surprised when I tell them I watch American Idol. I guess I don’t seem like the American Idol type? I’m really not much of the TV watching type, but watch American Idol I do. I’m rooting to the two Mormons. Oh, and the kid with the dread locks.

Now, if you have a blog and feel so inclined to write 7 things about yourself on it consider yourself tagged.

Oh yeah, I’m a printmaker! I spent my last 2 years of college in the printmaking lab. Sometimes nearly 24 hours a day. I love printing things. I love making one thing to make something else a whole bunch of times. I like to have an extra to give to my mom. I like to plan and retrace and perfect my drawings before they become something. I like to print things. I am a printmaker!

Welcome to my birthday party. We went to the art store this morning. I got some screens, bulbs, and ink, came home, drew and planned, and once Logan was down for a nap I got to work! It was so cool how fast the screen was made. Flash–just like that. I went the low tech route to make my master by just drawing with the Riso pen (that came with the press) and filled in an area with Sharpie. Over all I was pleased as punch, though the part I had planned on being a flat color didn’t burn completely and had some texture. I actually like that in the finished print though. Want to see it? Well, here it is:

I drew the tulip tree pod hanging on my mobile.

It is the same screen printed twice with two different colors of ink. The paper is Rives BFK becuase I have tons of scraps. It has some texture, but not too much. The ink sits beautifully on it. I learned that when I mix an ink color I need to make more than I think I need so that I get adequate coverage. I didn’t make quite enough of the bluish color and the line drawing pod is splotchy in the middle. I used Simple Green (thanks to all the awesome info over at the Gocco flickr group) to clean my screen in between colors and it worked like a charm without any toxic chemicals. On the brown run I used the ink blocking foam to guard the solid seedpod from getting printed and that worked just perfectly. So, all in all I call my first printing a success

Here it is on Rives Lightweight in a creamy color. Oh, and without the blue ink…

Now, how could a birthday get any better? I have the BEST husband this world has ever seen.

(Well, I did get a light blue fleece jacket from my inlaws, which I really needed. It’s cute and feminine and warm. THANKS!!)

(Okay, i’m having a hard time with my wordpress update. can’t get my picture to be centered and there are some places where I want space between the lines and it just won’t stick. aaauuurrrghh)

Monique tagged me to write 7 things… YiKES

But first I must say that Block Swap sign ups are going very well and I’m excited about the talented quilters I will get to have blocks from If you’ve signed up, look for your name on the right side of the block swap page!
Now, this is because I believe every post should have a picture

here’s some quilt block making inspiration by you know who.
Okay, on with the listing…

7 things to do before I die (in no particular order)
become a yoga teacher

live in another country (or at least visit one)

do another triathalon

have art in a real gallery, and even my own show

have a really cool art studio–with lots of high counters, big sinks, an etching press, easels, a pottery wheel, a couch for sitting and knitting, tables and chairs to sit and work at… you know, a place where I can make anything and everything. where the kids and I can go for school everyday, and maybe other people could visit and I could teach classes, or just hang out and make stuff. i always imagined this in an old barn all fixed up, but after seeing the INCREDIBLE light in Denyse Schmidt’s studio in an old industrial building I may change my dreams. barns don’t have windows.

build a tree house, well, have a tree house. someone else can do most of the building if they want as long as i get to help design it.
make a book– a real book with a story and pictures. write, illustrate, print, bind

Read the rest of this entry »

Barry is being promoted to Captain today. It’s a beautiful day outside and I have this overflowing feeling of joy and graditude and, well, I can’t put my finger on it…

Yesterday something got me thinking about my mission in life, what I want, what Barry wants, what I’m made for. Clearly I’m made to be a mom, my service is needed in God’s church… but what about this unquenchable drive I have to make things? I remember as a little girl I would scheme and dream about the tree house I would someday live in, the art I would make, the lessons I would teach, and how I would somehow be a big influence for good. When I was in high school I was convinced that this urgency to be known by a large audience and have some positive, creative, good influence must mean I needed to be famous. I would tell my mom maybe I’d be in musicals. Maybe I’d draw for Disney movies. I’m still going through the maybes. But this nagging feeling of urgency to BE, to create, to DO the things I idle away daydreaming about ebbs and flows throughout my life, and it never goes away. It seems to be high tide today.

This may seem completely unrelated, but yesterday I started looking into Signing Time. It’s a video program to teach toddlers and preschoolers sign language. It’s beautifully put together. We checked out some of the videos from the library yesterday. The music is great. Logan is already making the sign for milk when he wants to nurse. But, the thing that is most striking to me is that it is put together by Mormon moms who found their purpose, took some risks, used their God-given talents and circumstances to create something useful and influential in the world.

All day I’ve been listening to Peter Breinholt. His music has sentimental value because Barry and I fell in love at one of his concerts. But, his music just feels good. And he is good. If you have time, read this. Another Mormon who found a place with his uniqueness, and is a humble influence for good.

I need to be a DO-er. I’m built to day-dream. I read this quote from President Monson the other day: “The work of reactivation is no task for the idler or daydreamer. Children grow, parents age, and time waits for no man. Do not postpone a prompting; rather, act on it, and the Lord will open the way.” It peirced straight to my heart. And not at all within the context of serving in the church and working to reactivate people who have fallen away. It talked of daydreamers– and time doesn’t wait for them. Well, if anyone is a daydreamer, I am. And so, I need to make my dreams; I need to do them and not simply dream them. Time will run out.

So, I need to put a lot of inhibitions aside. I don’t have to make money. I don’t have to be completely practical. I don’t need to worry about what people will say about the things I make (particularly our parents). I don’t have to paint pictures of the Saviour to make art with a spiritual impact (an “aha” from Peter Breinholt). I think this list is much longer…

I think a lot. I combine things and find connections. I visualize and go through elaborate constructions–but I do it all in my head. So, what good is that? It all disappears.

I think I do have a mission and a purpose that Heavenly Father wants me to fill. That’s why I feel this urgency. I’m still searching through the maybes…

but time waits for no man.

Did you know that if your mom takes the jam out of the fridge and sets it on the counter while waiting for a bagel to pop out of the toaster, but you wanted to get the jam out yourself, the world may come to an end and you must scream “Mom you don’t do very nice fings” and “You make me feel really, really mad.” and “DON’T SAY THE WORD!!” over and over again?

Did you know that the prospect of making your bed all by yourself while the rest of the family goes downstairs can cause your stomach to ache, your legs to shrivel up in pain, your fingers to tingle too much to move, and your back to itch, all while you melt into a heap and wail like the boogey-man is after you?

Did you know that if you’re ten months old your high chair is a torture chamber that causes ear splitting screaming?

Well, I discovered all of these things at once this morning and had three kids screaming hysterically for a good solid 45 minutes while I begged and pleaded for them to just let me eat half a bowl of Cheerios so that I could see straight and maybe even think a little bit.

Barry has decided he wants to go into work earlier so that he can come home earlier, so i get mornings to myself again. And my mom was also here visiting for the past week and a half and has sadly returned to her regular life. And we stayed up late last night and watched the BYU-idaho dance teams perform… anyway, it was a crazy morning I momentarily thought I might not survive.

And, there’s more i have to process. A family in our ward lost most of their worldly possesions in a house fire last night. So, I spent the day on the phone tracking them down, finding what they need, answering phone call after phone call of questions and offers for help…

It feels good to be busy serving and knowing that my efforts are really needed…

Anyway, so much to do… so little time. Imagine not having underwear or shoes, or even a toothbrush.

I’ve been a James Christensen fan since high school. He just captiviates my imagination– taking me to the place I loved to play as a child, a magical place. He is so graceful with the human figure. His pieces are so full of symbolism and wonder…

So, when I stumbled upon this book at the library I was so excited. Brenna wanted books about fairies. I picked this one off the shelf and what a combination– the beloved Laura Ingalls Wilder and beautiful fairies. And the fairies looked so familiar. The book is illustrated by a guy named Richard Hull, who upon further investigation teaches at BYU…so, obviously a student of James Christensen.

The poems are fun and sweet. What else could you expect from Laura?

And a fun fact I learned about her: She didn’t write the Little House series until she had grown children. That gives me hope. Someday I will have time… Someday I can be a real artist.

Right now my kids need everything I’ve got.

I was working in my spindle factory tonight (my garage/ woodshop) sanding away at drop spindle whorls, and the smell of black walnut sawdust brought back memories.

Urban Forest Woodworks. Now, that was the COOLEST job ever. My first year of college I perservered through being salad bar girl at Sizzler and a telemarketer for long distance telephone service and landed a job in a woodshop. And not just any woodshop, mind you, it was Urban Forest Woodworks. The mastermind of this opperation was George Hessenthaler. He had piles and piles of old trees out front– trees that would normally be taken to the dump. There were old elm trees, maples, whole discarded fruit orchards. He’d cut these trees into lumber and we’d make them into pretty boxes.

For hours on end we’d stand at the “puffers” (little orbital sanders clamped to a table) decked out with ear muffs and dust masks sanding away until our box tops gleamed. (There did come a point at which George’s wife Helen put her foot down and reduced the amount of puffing. It just wasn’t economical and sand the boxes at 150, 200, 220, and 320.) Heather and Melissa and I (we were girls with power tools) would sit at the putty table and talk about getting putty in your reveals (getting kissed) and laugh hysterically upstairs as we oiled boxes and finished the interiors. (I realize now that most of the hysteria probably wasn’t really funny, but who cares when you’re breathing in all the fumes?) I could tell the difference between plum and cherry, norway maple and silver maple, english walnut and black walnut. We had so much fun. There was such a bond between us college kids working there. We were a team and loved what we did. We’d have dinners and George would pull out his Dictionary and make us play some silly game he made up, then he’d cut the bread on the band saw.

I was reminiscing tonight while I puffed my drop spindle parts.

Urban Forest Woodworks has gone through some rough times since then. But I think it’s still afloat. Last I heard George was living in the shop. He’s a man with a dream.

Thanks, Captain Knuckles, for the memories. Those are surely some of the treasures of my life.