This guy had a birthday on March 23rd. He’s six. Get that? SIX. My round faced, blue eyed boy has graduated from being a little kid to a just plain kid. I know it’s cliche, but I have to say it– they grow up so fast!! Was it really six years ago that my whole world got turned upside down by a rolly polly bundle of chubbiness that screamed and had to be held every second and ate like there was no tomorrow? Was it really six years ago that I learned that, no, I was not the world’s greatest parent because I had a bag full of tricks to get my one little child to behave and go to bed and say very cute things to strangers when I wanted her to– because NONE of those tricks worked anymore. No siree. Jonah came to humble me. He came out insisting that he get his way. He is strong willed and completely committed to the way things should be. He’s taught me that routine and structure are so helpful– like a skeleton to build a life on– that when we put first things first and work hard to make things go right at the get-go (instead of trying to fix problems when they arise) that there is peace, there’s fun, and we can live more in the moment.

I remember the Sunday right after he was born. Barry, Brenna, and my mom all went to church while I stayed home with my hungry little baby. He screamed for quite awhile and I snuggled and rocked him and looked into his familiar face. I knew he was mine and had been mine before. I sensed the peace and security of the place he had so recently come from– the familiarity of his Heavenly Father, the intense and perfect love he had been so accustomed to there in His presence, and now he was here with me. More than anything I felt keenly my responsibility to make him feel as safe and comfortable and loved here with me, in our home, as his spirit had felt not long before in the presence of God. And I looked at his helpless little arms flailing, looked in his gray, searching eyes, and I sensed the power of his spirit, and I sensed how shocking it must be to figure out this new little body. And then I thought of the Savior, the Creator of the world, of the universe, of worlds without end– that he, in his infinite power and glory, was born in a little body with blurry eyes and flailing arms. I cannot adequately describe all those feelings as my mind was opened to the wonder of a baby, of an eternal spirit in a new body, of my part in this whole miraculous thing. I can’t describe it, but I’ll never forget it– that experience of rocking my new sweet Jonah and knowing that more than anything else I needed to love– to be love, to be the embodiment of love for this little boy so he could remember where he came from and who he was meant to be. That was the gift of Jonah.

I just love him beyond description. I love all my children, but I love Jonah with a hard fought, hard won love– a love of growth and learning. He is strong and tender, and that is just how I feel about him. And love to grab his little face in my hands and look in his eyes and tell him, “I am so thankful to be your mama.”

(He had a ‘Mad Scientist’ birthday party. Here’s some pictures of the foaming monster experiments from his party.)

Over and out.